Sitting with a Feeling vs. Intellectualizing: What’s the Difference?

Many of us are experts at thinking about our emotions rather than actually feeling them. This process—called intellectualizing—is when we analyze, explain, or rationalize what we feel instead of allowing ourselves to experience it. For example, instead of sitting with sadness, you might jump straight to thoughts like, “It’s not that bad”, “I don’t want to get stuck in the feeling”, “I’m worried what will happen if I really let myself sit with this feeling”, or “Other people have it worse.”

While intellectualizing can create temporary distance from discomfort, it often prevents us from truly processing emotions. Over time, unprocessed feelings can build up, leading to anxiety, burnout, or a sense of being disconnected from ourselves.

Sitting with a feeling is different. It means allowing the emotion to exist in your body without trying to fix, minimize, or escape it. This practice doesn’t mean wallowing—it means giving your mind and body the chance to move through the feeling naturally. It’s also important to emphasize that this is a practice. If you’re not used to giving space to your feelings, this may feel challenging.

Tools to Begin Sitting with Your Feelings

Here are some simple ways to shift from intellectualizing to truly experiencing your emotions:

1. Name the Emotion
   Pause and ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” Keep it simple—sad, angry, anxious, disappointed, joyful. Naming emotions helps the brain process them rather than spin in thoughts.

2. Notice Where It Lives in Your Body
   Emotions often show up physically. Is your chest tight? Is there a pit in your stomach? Noticing sensations helps ground the experience instead of escaping into analysis.

3. Set a Timer for 2 Minutes
   Allow yourself to simply sit with the emotion for a short, defined period. This makes it less overwhelming and reminds you that feelings are temporary waves, not permanent states.

4. Practice Nonjudgmental Curiosity
   Instead of labeling your emotion as “good” or “bad,” try observing it like a scientist: “Interesting, I feel heat in my face when I’m embarrassed.” This creates space without judgment.

5. Use Breath to Anchor Yourself
   Try slow, steady breaths—inhale for 4, exhale for 6. Your breath acts as a grounding tool while you experience what’s happening inside.

6. Replace “Why” with “What”
   Instead of “Why am I feeling this way?” (which often invites overthinking), ask “What am I feeling, and what does it need right now?” This shifts you from analysis to compassionate presence.

Learning to sit with feelings is like strengthening a muscle—the more you practice, the easier it becomes. Over time, you’ll find that giving yourself permission to feel leads to greater emotional clarity, resilience, and connection with yourself.