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Writer's pictureEmily DeMalto

Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice: Finding Your Sense Of Self

Challenging The Idea That You Should Change Yourself For Others



As autumn leaves start to fall and the air turns crisp the pumpkin spice latte returns. A seasonal favorite that stirs both joy and judgment in equal measure. For some, it’s a beloved tradition that signifies the arrival of fall. For others, it’s an overhyped trend, often mocked and dismissed. But the pumpkin spice latte has a lesson for all of us: you don’t have to make yourself palatable for everyone.


The Pumpkin Spice Conundrum



Pumpkin spice is a perfect example of something that’s distinctly itself. A blend of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves, often paired with the sweet flavor of pumpkin. It’s warm, cozy, and undeniably autumnal. Not everyone loves it. In fact, some people despise it. Too sweet, too basic, or too overhyped. But does that make pumpkin spice any less worthy of its place in the fall lineup? Absolutely not.

Imagine if pumpkin spice tried to change itself to suit every palate. Maybe it would tone down the sweetness, dial back the spices, or lose the pumpkin flavor altogether. In the process, it would become something entirely different—devoid of the characteristics that made it special in the first place. By trying to please everyone, pumpkin spice would lose its essence, its identity.


The Pressure to Conform



Just like pumpkin spice, we often face pressure to change ourselves to fit in or be more likable. Whether it’s in our personal lives, at work, or on social media, there’s a constant tug to soften our edges, dilute our personalities, and conform to what others expect of us. We might tone down our opinions to avoid conflict, hide our quirks to fit in, or downplay our accomplishments to avoid seeming boastful.

This pressure can be overwhelming, especially when we’re bombarded with messages about how we should look, act, or think. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that we need to be everything to everyone—agreeable, uncontroversial, and universally liked. But just like pumpkin spice, when we try to be all things to all people, we end up losing the very qualities that make us unique.


Losing Ourselves in the Process



When we change ourselves to be more palatable, we risk losing touch with who we really are. We start to prioritize others’ expectations over our own desires, values, and authentic self-expression. Over time, this can lead to a sense of emptiness or dissatisfaction. It’s like being a pumpkin spice latte that’s been stripped of its spice. Sure, it might appeal to a broader audience, but it’s no longer the bold, flavorful drink that once stood out. It’s just another cup of coffee— nothing memorable.


Embracing Your Inner Pumpkin Spice



The truth is, you don’t have to make yourself palatable for everyone. Not everyone will appreciate your particular blend of spices, and that’s okay. What matters is that you stay true to yourself, even if it means standing out or being different.

Embracing your inner self  is celebrating your quirks, passions, and the things that make you, you. It means being authentic, even if it means you're not for everyone. It means recognizing that your worth isn’t determined by how many people approve of you, but by how true you are to yourself.

You have a unique flavor that not everyone will enjoy. Some people might decide you're "too bold", "too different", or "too much". But those who appreciate you for who you are will love you all the more for it.


The Freedom of Authenticity



When you stop trying to please everyone and start embracing your true self, you’ll find a sense of self that’s both empowering and liberating. You’ll no longer be weighed down by the need for approval or the fear of rejection. Instead, you’ll be able to express yourself fully and authentically, knowing that you are enough just as you are.

So, the next time you feel the urge to tone down your personality or change yourself to fit in, remember the pumpkin spice latte. It doesn’t try to be everyone’s cup of tea—or coffee—and neither should you. Embrace your unique flavor, and let it shine. Because in a world full of coffee, being pumpkin spice is something to be proud of.


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